Just about once a day I find myself lacking in something. Whether it is having a kind heart and soft word while my kids are driving me insane, or when I walk into my house and it is destroyed.
Today I forgot "pastries with parents". Yup. I even RSVP'd too. Although, when I got the invite I was trying to figure out how on Earth I was going to be in 2 places at once. Pastries from 7:30-7:50 and shoot across the town to get another kid to another school BY 8. Traffic sucks and it would be a miracle if it happened. But I was going to "roll with it". And then I go to school this morning and couldn't figure out why there were SO MANY PEOPLE! I finally found a spot to horribly park and it hit me. DAMN IT!
So yup, here's another confession..I SUCK.
But when I sit and actually think about it, how many of these "mom of the year" people do all of this wholeheartedly? I mean, keep on top of EVERYTHING for multiple people? I mean is this normal? Am I abnormal? To get up 2 hours before necessary to get yourself all dolled up, home cooked 3 course breakfasts and everyone's hair perfect. Like braids and curls and all. For real.
Yesterday I was thinking on one of my many car rides, how the heck is ONE person supposed to keep track of a MILLION things? How is that possible? Where are these people lacking that I am not seeing?!
So, I kind of got over my own guilt trip on my way back home, not able to listen to the radio because the child felt like it was "annoying", and then it happened again. AGAIN. I walk into my house and see the aftermath of the morning. You know, the morning I didn't get up 2 hours earlier than everyone else to be sure everything was perfect? I kid you not, If I got up at 4:45am by 3pm I would turn into a MOMSTER.
My mind is constantly going crazy, every waking hour. That in itself is exhausting. I need more than 6 hours of sleep.
After an AMAZING Bible study last night...Yeah I see your thoughts, this girl actually goes to church and she still has these types of thoughts and words?!?! Yup, I do, I am human and I am NOT afraid to confess my sinful ways. No throwing rocks from this dirty windowed house here. Anyways, in the study they talked about "tasks" as you will. You see, the fine line is STOPPING yourself before these tasks or expectations take you away from being a Godly person and turning into Satan's wife. Oh Lordy have I been there. Sadly.
So, this kind of goes hand in hand with my "4 hours of me time" a day. Even though I didn't get ANY of that yesterday. Put the broom down Tiff and go read Psalms. For real. A clean and perfect house with abnormally happy people in it will NOT get you into heaven, nor make your life as great as you wish it were.
NOTE TO FRIENDS: From now on, if you feel my house is not up to your expectations, clean the door handle on the way OUT. I am NOT here to please you and I will NOT put you before the Lord. MmmmKayyy?
Here I am, a less than perfect person and I am okay with that. Even though I didn't get breakfast this morning ;-)
ACTION: Please give me an example of how you feel "inferior" to other moms. Like that time you may or may not have compared yourself to another woman and all the crap she does on a daily basis.
I know everyone at some point does the "i get more cleaning done in 10 minutes then i do in an hour when i know someone is coming over" feeling. That is me. I always feel like my house is never clean enough for people but honestly my kids are happy, they play with their toys (for the most part) and they are just enjoying themselves and so am I. Yes i may have fingerprints all over my doors, windows and walls, i may have dirt stains and water stains on my microfiber couch, my carpet is going to have stuff on it, its useless to try to keep everything so clean because then i too become MOMSTER. I feel inferior when my kids come home and say "well "johnnys" mom lets him to go his friends house whenever he wants and comes to all the pta functions"... Well some "johnnys" mommy only has one child i have four so im sorry i dont have all the time in the world for PTA. Sorry rant over
ReplyDeleteSome parents, moms more often, are so absorbed in their appearance/image to other PEOPLE and not in how they are pleasing the Lord. I see fake social media posts all the time of people I know and see in real life. They feel they need to put this "front" on in front of other people while in their homes and heart, they are far less than they are dreaming they are. And above all, they are putting themselves above the Lord.
ReplyDeleteIt's a foggy area that is hard to see through sometimes, but more and more I am noticing this among people around me. And then they degrade the real, no fake fronted moms either in their thoughts or to others. Most of the time saying they are "complaining" or "negative". I encourage everyone who visits my blog to step back and take a deeper look at where their thoughts are leading them. Is it to a safe place? Or a dark place? It's sad. But it happens often. And I'm doing it too.
But real thoughts are better than fake thoughts and if writing a crazy blog helps you comprehend things better and look back on each day & post...I say go for it. Someone, somewhere will hear your words for exactly what they mean :-)
I am constantly feeling inferior to people on Facebook, or all the mommy blogs I read who have four or more times the kids I have and have it all together!
ReplyDeleteI am slowly trying to come to terms with me and how I am and know that it is enough. And, maybe those moms on FB and online do have it all together, but maybe its because that have had years longer than me to get it right? Or maybe they don't!
Funny note: it takes me forever to take a "baby bump" picture because I cant find a spot in my house that I would be okay with being in the background on FB. Piles of toys everywhere, or all the clean laundry I did on Sunday sitting in folded piles on the love-seat.. lol
Amanda
OMG! the "background" is totally me too! I have so many cute pictures but don't post them due to my house being "lived in"! Someone made a comment about my daughters hair always looking "crazy/not done". Umm. wait a second, have you met my child?! I DO do her hair daily and it usually looks awesome for 5 minutes, sorry you missed it! Piss off ;-) Lol!!
ReplyDeleteJust know that there is a HUGE difference between "dirty" and "messy", I strive for "messy/lived in by numerous people", and hope to catch it before it gets to the dirty phase, which is why I hate winter and spring! Haha!
P.S...I've pretty much decided that those "perfect moms" either lie out their butt, or have tons of help and shouldn't be the ones bragging about the work someone else did!!